Another Star Wars Talkshow 2: Episode II
by Lady Celebare
Summary: This is my second attempt at a talkshow fic, once again involving SW characters. Last time I hadn't seen Episode II, which put a damper on things, but this time, all episodes are open for questions! Expect lots of humor! R for language
1. The Insanity Comences... again

Title: Another Star Wars Talkshow 2: Episode II Rating: R for language, and that's about it. The innuendo probably only goes up to PG-13. Summary: Well, Blade's at it again, this time with full Episode II knowledge powering the talkshow. So ask as many questions as your little heart desires, from all five episodes! Actually, if you don't ask, I can't write, so. I need questions! I'd like to take this space to apologize for any future character bashing or wrong answer I might give. I'm only human, after all. Granted, I've been a Star Wars fanatic since the age of 8, so I should know everything. but I don't! Characters: Obi-Wan Kenobi (Episode II), Luke Skywalker, Jango Fett, Boba Fett, Anakin Skywalker (Episode II), Darth Vader, Chewbacca, Han Solo, Padme Amidala (Episode II), Princess Leia Oragana Solo, C3PO, R2-D2, Yoda, Mace Windu (takes a moment to catch her breath), Zam Wessle, Jabba the Hutt, Senator Palpatine/The Emperor Palpatine (Episode II/IV-VI), Count Dooku/Darth Tyrannus and Qui-Gon Jinn Crossover Characters: Satine (Moulin Rouge) - She hitched a ride from the last talk show. actually, Obi-Wan stowed her away in a crate. Darned Jedi. Voldemort (Harry Potter) - He sort of appeared. again. Sauron (Lord of the Rings) - Well, I took him with us. Sauron rules! Plus, he promised to make me a ring of power if I let him sit next to Palpatine.  
  
Blade: Welcome back to Tal'Celebare, Tower of the Silver Sunlight, aka My Talkshow Tower! Tonight we've got another Star Wars talkshow for you. Let me first apologize for not continuing the first one, but I thought an entirely new fic was more appropriate. besides, the down time earlier this month really messed things up. Anyway, no intros are needed. I think. Let me explain the rules to all you initiates in the ways of my Talkshows. You may ask as many questions per review as you want, but they must be R-rated or below in the language department, and PG-13-rated or below in everything else. No NC-17 stuff here.  
  
Anakin: So. that slash fanfic was an idle threat!  
  
Blade: Yes. until you tick me off.  
  
Anakin: (gulp)  
  
Blade: All right, before we begin we have some unfinished business from the last talkshow to attend to. Bring out the Duke! (turns around and notices Anakin and Padme) Oy! Stop trying to eat each other! (whacks Anakin on the head)  
  
Anakin: Ow! What was that for!  
  
Blade: (points to a 'No Smooching on my Talkshow' sign)  
  
Anakin: .(sulks)  
  
Dooku: Hah!  
  
Anakin: (glowers)  
  
Blade: Anyway, as I was saying. last Talkshow I promised I'd kill The Duke (Moulin Rouge).  
  
The Duke: O.o; (gulp)  
  
Satine: Die, bastard! (kicks him)  
  
Everyone: .O.o  
  
Blade: Right. ok then.  
  
Obi-Wan: (picks The Duke's chair up and chucks him off the stage to a pack of rabid iguanas named Bob)  
  
Blade: Hey! That wasn't the way he was supposed to die!  
  
Obi-Wan: So?  
  
Blade: .(smacks forehead)  
  
Jabba: (eats The Duke's remains)  
  
Everyone: Eeeew!  
  
Blade: .O.o This is getting weird. So. on with- no wait, last time I used that phrase, I regretted it. Bring on the reviewers! 


	2. Obscenely Large Kitties

Blade: Can anyone explain to me what toy dogs and Obi-Wan have in common?  
  
Obi-Wan: O.o what?  
  
Blade: I was searching for pictures of you on google, and I got a bunch of random pictures of small dogs and cats. and then there was this picture of an abnormally large cat.  
  
Obi-Wan: What the hell??  
  
Anakin: Maybe because you're a big, whining p-  
  
Obi-Wan: (decks Anakin)  
  
Blade: Wow. Strong, are we?  
  
Obi-Wan: Very.  
  
Blade: So, on that note, let's get to the questioning! MaStEr JeMi, ask away.  
  
MaStEr JeMi: Padme: Are you a Jedi and you don't actually know it? Cuz to me you're like so tough and strong. By the way you're sooooo pretty. :-D  
  
Padme: A Jedi? Gee, I never thought of that. I suppose I could be. After all, I fell several stories out a speeding ship and suffered no lasting damage. And as for being pretty, thank you for the compliment.  
  
MaStEr JeMi: Young Obi-Wan: How old are you supposed to be wen Qui-Gon was still alive?  
  
Obi-Wan: 25, I believe.  
  
MaStEr JeMi: Anakin: do you have any reason, you have all those really creepy dreams?  
  
Anakin: (rubbing his forehead and standing up dizzily) Cheesy poofs?  
  
Blade: No, Anakin, question.  
  
Anakin: (blinks) Oh, right. It's probably because I'm really, really evil at heart. it's my evilness trying to escape. Muahahaaa!  
  
Blade: O.o On to Aleena Tarlana's questions.  
  
Aleena: soers, Obi-Wan, have you ever really smoked deathsticks??  
  
Obi-Wan: No! The only drug I've ever done was drinking Absinthe. but that was your fault, Aleena!  
  
Aleena: same to the rest of you!! LOL...I want to know if I'm the only one who's been smoking them...lol (jk of course)  
  
Han: I only do spice. No death sticks for me.  
  
Leia: Same here.  
  
Luke: I tried to get some once, but Uncle Owen caught me.  
  
Everyone else: O.o  
  
Luke: What??  
  
Aleena: my darling Ben, what were you thinking when I got drunk on Absinthe the FIRST time we met?? I must know.. (go read my fic if you dont get it)  
  
Obi-Wan: I was very, very, very disturbed.  
  
Blade: What did you think when you caught Aquel and Qui-Gon making out in the flight lounge?  
  
Obi-Wan: Don't even get me started.  
  
Aquel: (appears out of nowhere) The door was locked! You should have known better than to walk into a locked room!  
  
Obi-Wan: It was time to leave! I was afraid Master Qui-Gon was in trouble!  
  
Aquel: Sure.  
  
Obi-Wan: -.-  
  
Blade: Arylin is up next. By the way, to everyone who's confused right now, go read Aleena's fic 'Obi-Wan's Choice' and then read my 'Twinsabers' fanfiction. Oh, the shameless plugs!  
  
Arylin: Qui-Gon: I LOVE YOU! YOU'RE SO COOL! Why did you have to die ::cries:: Obi-Wan still coulda trained Anakin with you alive! If you weren't dead I'd ask you to marry me.  
  
Aquel: He's taken!  
  
Qui-Gon: O.o I believe I was fated to die.  
  
Aquel: (cries) Why did you dieeee???  
  
Blade: Aquel!  
  
Aquel: Yes?  
  
Blade: Shut up!  
  
Aquel: All right. (sniffles)  
  
Arylin: Padme: If you didn't like Anakin at the time of first going to the Lake Retreat, why did you where that dress?! T'was pretty and all but it did call attention to you.  
  
Padme: For the same reason a lot of High-school girls wear their really short cloths, and then complain about catcalls...  
  
Blade: dEmInEmNsYnCgUrL, you are the next questioner. Hello!  
  
Jabba: Weakest Link! I love that show!  
  
Everyone: .O.o  
  
DEmInEmNsYnCgUrL: Qui-Gon - Hey, in the last talkshow you said you disciplined Obi-Wan. While he was your padawan, did you have any OTHER methods?  
  
Qui-Gon: No, not really. I just made him see the error in his decisions.  
  
Obi-Wan: Talk about error in decisions. rescuing Anakin was a huge mistake.  
  
Anakin: Hey!  
  
DEmInEmNsYnCgUrL: Leia - Have you ever wanted to make out with any other family members besides your brother?  
  
Leia: Well, my father is pretty damn hot-  
  
Blade: All right, stop right there! That's so wrong!  
  
Anakin: Hehehehe.  
  
Blade: .  
  
DEmInEmNsYnCgUrL: Anakin - What exactly IS under the Jedi temple, and can I go see whatever it is with you?  
  
Anakin: (nervous cough) You really don't want to see it. Do I have to answer that question??  
  
Blade: Yes. It is demanded by the gods.  
  
Anakin: (sigh) Fine. the Council put a bunch of untrained Force-sensitive beings down there, and when it is needed, Knights are send down to. uh. make more Force-sensitives, to put it lightly.  
  
DEmInEmNsYnCgUrL: Amidala - I'm hating you right now. I saw you on the MTV Movie Awards and you weren't happy for my Jedi friend and Satine. Blade, please let me throw a dart at her.  
  
Blade: (the mention of those MTV movie awards has melted Blade into a fangirl goo puddle) (bubbles) Erm, after the show.  
  
DEmInEmNsYnCgUrL: Yoda - I'm wondering, what do you think of Eminem? Do you go around singing "Guess who's back, Shady's back, tell a friend.."?  
  
Yoda: Eminem, I do not like. Sing 'Backstreet's Back', I do.  
  
Everyone: ...O.o  
  
DEmInEmNsYnCgUrL: Anakin - How about you? You seem the angry white type. Are you a fan of Slim Shady?  
  
Anakin: I'm a fan of those cool pink guys from the Cantina.  
  
Blade: Well, that was weird. Padawan Bant, you're up. By the way, sorry for re-starting the fic, but after the delay with the old one, I thought making a new one was probably a better idea.  
  
Padawan Bant: To Blade: I think you didn't mention Darth Maul being on this talkshow, but I have something to say to him, so bring him in, please.  
  
Blade: In all my preparations, I forgot Maul!  
  
Aquel: If you bring Maul on, can I maul him?  
  
Blade: Stop with the puns, and no.  
  
Aquel: Aww.  
  
Darth Maul: (walks onstage) You interrupted my lunch. I was halfway through the Mu Shu pork at P.F. Chengs.  
  
Blade: Did you bring me any?  
  
Maul: Yes. (hands Blade a to-go container)  
  
Blade: Wee! (eats)  
  
Padawan Bant: To Maul: YOU'RE SO COOL! Not that you need the ego boost. But those are really cool tattoos. Say, how far down do they go?  
  
Maul: They go quite far down. Care to see just how far?  
  
Everyone: Eew.  
  
Padawan Bant: To Yoda: Love the way you talk, I do! By the way, since you know Kermit, d'you know Gonzo? (I mean, he wasn't even from Earth, so I figured you might have come across him at some point ...)  
  
Yoda: Gonzo, I know, yes. Neighbor he was, hmm.  
  
Padawan Bant: To Palpatine, Sauron, and Voldemort: Tell me, do you guys ever cross-dress?  
  
Three Evil Old Guys: (look at their robes) Yes.  
  
Padawan Bant: To Anakin and Vader: You guys are cool too. But Anakin, you need to work on your expressions and do things other than glare all the time and stare at Padme.  
  
Anakin: But Padme's hot!  
  
Blade: Anakin, your acting in Episode II was possibly the worst thing I've ever experienced. aside from Jar-Jar Binks.  
  
Anakin: (sulks)  
  
Padawan Bant: To Padme: You're my favorite female character, even though some of those hairstyles are a bit ... frightening.  
  
Padme: Some of them are a bit heavy too.  
  
Padawan Bant: To Blade again: Wicket was in the last show too. And I owe him a hug. So bring him in for a minute, okay?  
  
Wicket: (walks in)  
  
Padawan Bant: To Wicket: You're sooooo cute! ::gives him a big hug::  
  
Wicket: Yub Yub!  
  
Padawan Bant: To Obi-Wan: ::bows:: I promise to not go rabid or turn into a puddle of fangirl goo, but I was wondering if perhaps you could arrange to give me some lightsaber lessons after the talkshow. I understand Anakin is already your Padawan, but if you'd just put aside a few minutes for me ...  
  
Obi-Wan: After being chased by an apparently harmless fan the other evening, I'm wary of you fangirls. you can have a lesson, but I have bodyguards now!  
  
Blade: Shadowz, you're on.  
  
Shadowz: Anakin, I'd just like to mention that you're really cool (as if you didn't know that).  
  
Anakin: I'm the best damn character in the series!  
  
Obi-Wan: .  
  
Shadowz: JarJar, don't listen if they pick on you. I like you!  
  
Jar-Jar: Thanka-yousa!  
  
Blade: MordorianNazgul, your turn.  
  
MordorianNazgul: Mace: What were you SMOKING when you killed Boba Fett's dad?! I almost cried because of that!!! SHAME ON YOU!  
  
Mace: He had to go!  
  
Boba: Well, you're kicking the bucket in Episode III.  
  
Mace: O.o  
  
MordorianNazgul: Boba Fett: You're still my favorite character. It's just... cooliness.  
  
Boba: Why thank you. By the way, I didn't die when I fell in the Sarlacc. I'm alive! Woo!  
  
Everyone: O.o  
  
MordorianNazgul: Jango Fett: Wow. I've really been itching to talk to you! So, did Boba turn out how you hoped? You like the job he's doing at bounty hunting?  
  
Jango: Boba turned out very well. I like his style.  
  
Boba: Thank you.  
  
MordorianNazgul: Emperor Palpatine: Two words. Wrinkle Cream.  
  
Palpatine: Oh, I know! I use it all the time! It just doesn't do a thing for me!  
  
MordorianNazgul: Count Dooku: I think I'll just call you Darth Tyrannus. Every time I say Dooku I start giggling. *sniggers*  
  
Dooku: (pouts) I happen to like my name!  
  
Han: Someone's mother had bad taste.  
  
MordorianNazgul: Anakin: *points at Anakin, opens her mouth to say something, closes her mouth again, and shakes her finger* Just... no. No. No. No.  
  
Anakin: What did I do??  
  
MordorianNazgul: Obi-Wan: Even if my friends don't think so, I still think you're cute with a beard.  
  
Obi-Wan: I'm downright sexy!  
  
Blade: Got that right.  
  
Obi-Wan: (edges away slowly)  
  
MordorianNazgul: Jabba: Okay, that was REEEEAAALY disgusting, but thanks for getting rid of him.  
  
Jabba: (burps) You're welcome.  
  
MordorianNazgul: Satine and Sauron: You both just ROCK! But not as much as the Fetts... No one rocks as much as them... And Obi...  
  
Blade: No one rocks as much as Obi!  
  
Obi-Wan: .permission to run?  
  
Blade: No!  
  
Obi-Wan: O.o  
  
Blade: Well, that wraps up the first segment of this Talkshow. stay tuned everyone!  
  
Obi-Wan: You know how you rated this R?  
  
Blade: Yes.  
  
Obi-Wan: Where's the 'R' part?  
  
Blade: Here! (jumps at Obi-Wan)  
  
Obi-Wan: Gak!! (trips)  
  
Blade: 'till next time, folks! Please, please ready my Twinsabers fic! I need reviews. I must have reviews. 


	3. Hot Elves and Crazy Fangirls

Blade: I'd like to take this opportunity to say that the Lord of the Rings DVD rules!! In honor of it's complete excellentness, I'm bringing everyone's favorite elf onto the show.  
  
Legolas: (walks in all elegantly like an Elf should) Greetings, everyone.  
  
Obi-Wan: Legolas! How are you?  
  
Legolas: Hey, Obi-Wan! I'm fine. I see you survived that beach house fic.  
  
Obi-Wan: Barely.  
  
Blade: Yeah, only through the grace of the Fanfic Goddesses, aka me 'n Celeb!  
  
Obi-Wan: We worship the very ground you walk upon, believe me.  
  
Blade: Will you sleep with me later?  
  
Obi-Wan: (horrified) No!  
  
Blade: Aww. Legolas?  
  
Legolas: Forget it! I have Eowyn. Nyaa!  
  
Blade: O.o Eowyn marries Faramir, doesn't she?  
  
Legolas: Yeah, well. anything's possible in your nutty fanfictions.  
  
Blade: Riiight. let's get to the questions before we scare people. Biblehermione, before I begin, let me mention that you are the sole reason I'm going to continue Jedi Fellowship.  
  
Biblehermione: *sees Boba and gets an evil idea* *in spooky voice* Hello, Curly...  
  
Boba: My name is not curly!! (goes breserk and shoots the Iguanas named Bob)  
  
Biblehermione: Voldie, are you addicted to pink frilly tutus?  
  
Voldemort: Why. yes. Yes I am. Palpatine and I like to dance ballet together. (giggle)  
  
Biblehermione: Anakin, I am so sorry about your split personality! *goes and hugs him* Y'know, I have a split personality too...  
  
Anakin: Will you join my dark crusade to kill the Jedi?  
  
Obi-Wan: .O.o I kick your ass in Episode III, you know that right?  
  
Anakin: (sulks)  
  
Biblehermione: Luke, when did you first realize you loved Mara?  
  
Luke: When we first met. actually, when we first met she was trying to assassinate me.  
  
Biblehermione: Blade, I am looking forward to the next chappie of "The Jedi Fellowship." :)  
  
Blade: Well, you'll have to wait a bit more. see the author note at the bottom for details.  
  
Biblehermione: Everyone, I brought you chocolate chip cake and mint ice cream with M&M's in it.  
  
Everyone: We love you, biblehermione!! (all hug, except Jabba)  
  
Biblehermione: Padme, Didja know that Boba had a HUGE crush on you when he first saw you? *slaps hands over mouth* I just said waaay too much!  
  
Boba: What?? I did not!  
  
Anakin: Die!  
  
Blade: Not this again. MordorianNazgul, you're up!  
  
Mordorian: Boba: You're right. Mace is gonna die in Episode III. I have forseen it.  
  
Boba: Yes. (evil)  
  
Mace: (sweatdrop)  
  
Mordorian: Padme: I'm sorry I have to say this, but I have a feeling you will also die in Episode III.  
  
Padme: Well, we all knew that was coming. (sigh)  
  
Mordorian: Anakin: I finally have something to say to you! I knew your mum was gonna die. I had also forseen that. I'm surprised the Yuuzhan Vong haven't kidnapped me yet because of my forseeing powers...  
  
Anakin: (cries)  
  
Blade: Arg! This Yuuzhan Vong thing! Someone tell me which book series they're in!! They're all over my Essential Character Guide.  
  
Mordorian: To all the guys: Okay, no one's asked this yet, so I just have to. Boxers or Briefs?  
  
Obi-Wan: Boxers. with Spider-Man on them.  
  
Anakin: Boxers.  
  
Luke: Briefs.  
  
Han: Boxers.  
  
Yoda: Swim trunks, yes.  
  
Everyone: .O.o  
  
Jabba: Nothing!  
  
Blade: You don't count. You're a hermaphrodite with a male personality.  
  
Jabba: Oh.  
  
Mordorian: Yoda: Okay, silly question. Do you know Invader Zim, and what are your thoughts towards him?  
  
Yoda: Know Zim, I do. Talk about him with the tallest at lunch, I do. Laugh at him, we do, yes.  
  
Blade: (leaps at Obi-Wan and grabs his collar) Take me to the Space-meat, stinky Jedi worm baby!  
  
Obi-Wan: What the hell??  
  
Blade: Eherm. (brushes self off) Now we've got a question from a good friend of mine, Trinity Liger.  
  
Trinity: To Obi... Just how long is that "light saber"?  
  
Obi-Wan: (ignites saber) Well, I'd say about a meter-  
  
Blade: That's not exactly what she meant.  
  
Obi-Wan: .O.o;  
  
Blade: Shadowz, you're up.  
  
Shadowz: Obi-Wan...what's with the long hair and beard? You look so much better in Episode One! I just hope you loose it by Episode Three. See the light!  
  
Obi-Wan: Long hair is considered a mark of maturity and dignity among the Jedi.  
  
Blade: Well, that explains why Mace Windu is bald.  
  
Mace: .  
  
Blade: Saturn T. Riddle, it's your turn.  
  
Saturn: OH OBI!! I KNOW WHERE THE R PART IS!!! *snickers evily and looks at Obi-Wan evily*  
  
Obi-Wan: .God save me from these focking creepy fangirls. (prays)  
  
Saturn: Anakin: I HATE YOU YOU FRIUTBAR!! I HOPE YOU DIE!! oh yeh, you are a poophead and according to Blade, somewhat like a dry stump....*that was funny*  
  
Anakin: I'm a what?? Poophead dried stump fruitbar??  
  
Blade: Yes, that was funny.  
  
Anakin: (cries)  
  
Saturn: Yoda: do you like the song Area Codes by Ludacris??? if you dont ur still singing it in my kareoke fic  
  
Yoda: Like small butts, I do.  
  
Saturn: Obi darling: *grabs him and gives him a big smooch*  
  
Obi-Wan: Mmmf!! (eyes get really wide and he struggles to escape the deadly fangirl)  
  
Blade: Hey! No smooching on my talkshow! Especially not my Obi!  
  
Saturn: *dodges the "no smooching sign" being throw by Blade* hehe sowwey...lol  
  
Blade: .(sigh) Well, that's the end of chapter 3. This seems to be going well. Now time for the long and arduous list of Author notes. Chapter 8 of Gryffindor Rouge is up, wee!! Finally! The first chapter of Star Wars: Beach House Style is up, so go read it! It's hilarious! The next chapter of 'The Jedi Fellowship' and 'Twinsabers: The Master' are in the works, scheduled for release sometime around August 20th. I'm gonna be on vacation from now 'till then, so I won't be able to update, I don't think. Ta-ta until then! Fell free to ask questions of Legolas. He's my prisoner until such time as he is freed. muahahaaa!!  
  
Legolas: (gulp) 


	4. SPOON!!!

Notes: As promised, here's the next installment of the talkshow! Due to school constraints, I'm only keeping this up as long as I have enough descent questions to make a chapter... so ask questions! Lots of them!  
  
Blade: School! It's here! Noooo!  
  
Obi-Wan: Stop screaming! You're hurting my delicate eardrums.  
  
Blade: And our art teacher left three days ago... leaving us art-teacher-less. What's an artist to do??  
  
Jabba: Eat?  
  
Blade: ...no Jabba. Not eat.  
  
Jabba: Throw pretty girls to rancors?  
  
Blade: No!  
  
Boba Fett: Sell some hard merchandise for good credits?  
  
Blade: Hmm... there's a possibility... (eyes Boba) I hear you're wanted by a lot of people.  
  
Boba: ...  
  
Blade: On another note, guess what??  
  
Everyone: What?  
  
Blade: I think Luke is hot!  
  
Everyone: (faints)  
  
Blade: ...well, that went over well... (pours water on everyone)  
  
Anakin: (whining) That's not fair! You called me an ugly little rat-boy!  
  
Blade: What can I say? I was watching Eppy V and I suddenly realized that Luke Skywalker is, indeed, hot. Not as hot as Obi-Wan younger of course...  
  
Luke: Wee! The author thinks I'm hot!  
  
Anakin: (cries)  
  
Blade: On with the questioners!  
  
SingingMachine88: Leia:I would just like to say that what you said about your father was very disturbing...but true. Love you Anakin!! (Gives Anakin huge bear hug and a kiss on the cheek!)  
  
Anakin: Well, at least someone loves me...  
  
Blade: (smacks Anakin with a dead trout)  
  
Anakin: Oww!  
  
Blade: Go on, Felicia, ask.  
  
Felicia: Miss Celebare: The only talkshow I love is back! *cheers happily*  
And me, biggest Luke - Fan in the whole known and unknown galaxy is back, too.  
So beware, Luke - Bashers!  
  
Blade: (comes to a startling realization) I'm not a Luke-basher anymore!  
  
Anakin: That means Ani-bashing will increase, huh?  
  
Blade: Yep.  
  
Felicia: Qui - Gon: Are you playing Bingo yourself or just watching it?  
I mean, you could do that AND teach Anakin.   
  
Qui-Gon: I happen to be one of the best Bingo players up there. Besides, Anakin has to be evil in order to bring balance to the Force. Am I the only one who gets that?  
  
Aquel: I DO! (glomps Qui-Gon)  
  
Blade: Fie, you evil inner Qui-Glomping Jedi!  
  
Aquel: Nya!  
  
Felicia: Obi - Wan: I just don't know, what's so special about you. You are a bad teacher, a bad jedi, a disappointment for your master and you're damned to live on a desert planet and to die old and lonesome by Vader's lightsaber. You are so poor!   
  
Obi-Wan: Wow... harsh...  
  
Luke: If he's such a bad Jedi... then how come I kick so much ass? I mean, he did teach me and all.  
  
Qui-Gon: And he didn't disappoint me... in fact, he did rather well considering the pressures placed on his shoulders.  
  
Felicia: Yoda: Do you have a fanclub? I think you should.  
  
Yoda: Fanclub, I have. Hmmm, yes.  
  
Felicia: Vader: You are the coolest Sith - Lord. Maul is nothing against you.  
  
Vader: I know. I strike terror into the hearts of everyone. I also look good in black.  
  
Felicia: Amidala: Yeah! I had that feeling that Luke is the older twin and now I'm right! Hehehe!  
  
Leia: (pouts)  
  
Felicia: Luke: Please tell me what's your favorite meal! I'm going to cook it for you!  
  
Luke: Well, I'm rather partial to spaghetti with meatballs...  
  
Blade: (cooks Luke a pot of spaghetti and meatballs)  
  
Obi-Wan: Ooo, do I sense competition?  
  
Blade: (glomps Obi-Wan)  
  
Obi-Wan: ...it's hopeless...  
  
Felicia: Anakin: Just don't listen! You were great in EP II. Do you understand those Obidala - Nonsense? I don't and I can't stand it. You and Padmé are the greatest couple in the whole galaxy!  
  
Leia and Han: What about us??  
  
Blade: Sorry to interrupt, but honestly, Anakin's acting in both Eppy I and Eppy II stank like Rancor droppings. He even managed to ruin some of Obi-Wan's parts! (glower) I think only little Anakin and the guy who played Bowin in Dragonheart even come close to the stinkiness of Anakin's acting in Eppy II.  
  
Anakin: (glowers)  
  
Felicia: C - 3PO: What were you usually doing for Shmi?  
  
C3PO: Oh you know, the usual, cooking, cleaning, etcetera...  
  
Felicia: Miss Celebare: Could you please bring a bantha on stage? I like that animals.  
  
Blade: (hauls a Bantha on stage and makes it sit on Anakin)  
  
Anakin: Mmmmf!!!  
  
Blade: Pixie Wildfire had an offer...  
  
Pixie Wildfire: I'll pay Anakin 50,000 credits to dump Padme and marry me!  
  
Anakin: Make it 60,000 and we have a deal.  
  
Padme: WHAT??  
  
Blade: JeMi LaKaNo, aka Master Jemi, has some questions.  
  
LaKaNo: JeMi LaKaNo: Obi-Wan: Hey, from the other chp you said that ure givin lightsaber session to Padawan Brant.... um.... CAN I JOIN TOO??? Okay, maybe a few pointers.   
  
Obi-Wan: Sure... you just have to swear to be my slave for all eternity and haul heavy things up stairs for me.  
  
Blade: O.o  
  
Obi-Wan: Just kidding...  
  
LaKaNo: Blade, I can I just give him a hug and smooch on the cheek?? *makes puppy eyes* That beard so seductive.. ^_^  
  
Blade: No! He's mi-yun! (glomps Obi-Wan)  
  
Obi-Wan: ...  
  
JeMi: Anakin: Was it love at first sight when you saw, Padme? Plus your padawan braid is seductive, too *wink*  
  
Anakin: Yes-  
  
Blade: (interrupting) More like lust at first sight. (bonks Anakin on the head)  
  
Anakin: Hey! Ow!!  
  
JeMi: Padme & Leia: Did you marry your husbands for no reason at all, or because they're wicked hot??  
  
Padme & Leia: *looks at each other and at the same time* They are wicked hot.  
  
Blade: Obi-Wan is wicked hot!! You know, so is Luke, to a lesser degree.  
  
Everyone but Luke: O.o  
  
JeMi: Yoda: Yo, Yoda! ^_^ Let's go sing 'Yoda'!! I love that song!!!  
  
Yoda: Sing later, we will.  
  
JeMi: Aww *pouts*  
  
Jabba: Hmm, there is no song for me... (eats a goat)  
  
JeMi: Mace: I'm wondering where did you get your purple crystal, for your lightsaber? Why can't you get a blue or green one, like any other regular Jedi's? *uses the Force to take everyone's lightsaber from their belt, and ignites each one* (don't tell me how i hold all the lightsabers, let's just say talent, ^_^)  
  
All the Jedis: HEY!!  
  
JeMi: Look at Yoda, he's just got green, like the other ppl that has green. Anakin's, Obi's, and mine are blue. *changes accent* And the evil dudes have the bloody red one. *coughs* Sorry, I turn either British or Scottish when I'm about to say 'bloody'  
  
Obi-Wan: Umm... JeMi?  
  
JeMi: Yes?  
  
Obi-Wan: Can we have our lightsabers back?  
  
JeMi: Uh.... NO!!! GO MAKE ANOTHER ONE!!!  
  
Blade: *tackles JeMi, making her uncouncious*  
  
JeMi: @_@ ow..  
  
Blade: *takes the lightsabers and gives them back, except Obi-Wan's* Heeee...  
  
Obi-Wan: ...O.o  
  
Blade: What will you give me for this saber?  
  
Obi-Wan: NOTHING!  
  
Blade: Then no saber. Nyaaa!  
  
Obi-Wan: -.-  
  
Blade: (clips Obi's saber to her belt) Silverwolfprincess, ask away.  
  
Silver: Qui: Can I marry you?   
  
Aquel: He's mine!  
  
Qui-Gon: Sorry, I'm taken... and dead.  
  
Silver: 2. Why in the world did you ever let that stupid twit anakin tag along with you from tatooine? He's nothing but trouble. ::gives anakin evil glare::  
  
Anakin: oy!  
  
Blade: I agree!  
  
Qui-Gon: Well... he's the chosen one... duh...  
  
Silver: Dooku, palpy and voldemort, go jump off a cliff, and take anakin with you.  
  
Dooku, Palpy, and Voldy: (valley-girl giggles) Like, no wa-ay!  
  
Silver: padme: what did you ever see in ani?   
  
Padme: Er, I dunno... he must have mind-tricked me...  
  
Blade: So, the secret is out! Hah! (decks Anakin)  
  
Anakin: x_x  
  
Silver: 2. How could you stand to have some of those heavy headdresses on? didn't they give you a headache?  
  
Padme: The secret is aspirin. Lots of it.  
  
Silver: obi: this is my last offer. what's say you ditch the blonde twit? I'd be a much better apprentice, and i wouldn't turn on you and kill you.  
  
Obi-Wan: Er, you're my fiftieth offer today... so I'd have to say no.  
  
Blade: Thanks for the tip about the Vong thingies. After I finish the Bounty Hunter Wars series, I'll start on New Jedi Order. But, damnit, the books are 7$ each! I remember when a paperback was 4$, tops! Grrr... All right, Saturn T, it's your turn.  
  
Saturn: Obi dear, do you have an obsession with the word focking?? lol  
  
Obi-Wan: Yes I focking do! Do you have a focking problem with it? Huh??  
  
Saturn: yoda, ur singing Area Codes in my Kareoke fic *evil laugh*  
  
Yoda: Crazy, you are, Saturn, yes.   
  
Saturn: Anakin: god why cant you just keep your focking trap shut for 5 minutes??!? and ur a poopheaded dried up stumpy fruitbar....oh my question why didnt Obi-Wan kill you when he had the chance?!  
  
Anakin: (whines) You're all so mean to me! You made me sing that Brittany Spears song with Palpatine and Dooku! I'm scarred for life now! Wait... stumpy fruitbar?? What the hell??  
  
Saturn: Padme: I still cant see why you choose Mr. Reject over there over Obi-Wan...look at what happened! you have incest freaks for children! *poits at Luke and Leia*  
  
Luke: Incest freak?? I didn't do anything! (pouts)  
  
Blade: Of course you didn't, Luky-chan...  
  
Everyone: ....O.o  
  
Saturn: o.O the end is near  
  
Blade: Yes... yes it is. Here's MordorianNazgul.  
  
Mordorian: Legolas: CUTE ELF-BOY! *glomps* Me an' all mah friends LUV you. You're the official "hot guy of the Month!"  
  
Legolas: Finally, someone's paying attention to me! (falls off the stage) Whaaaa! (crash, thunk) Oww...  
  
Mordorian: Boba: You know, you're really cute when you're evil.  
  
Boba: I am??  
  
Mordorian: Obi-Wan: Don't worry. Not all of us fangirls are that die-hard. And, no offense, but I think I'd rather have Legolas. *suggestive look at Legolas*  
  
Legolas: (creeps out from under a pile of boxes) Oww... pain... lots of pain... (collapses)  
  
Mordorian: Luke: Okay, so you DO look good in black... I'm just wondering why you got all angsty and solemn in Return of the Jedi.  
  
Luke: Wouldn't you be angsty and solemn if you were trying to turn your evil father back to the good side?? I was under a lot of emotional stress...  
  
Mordorian: Anakin: I'd join your crusade to kill the Jedi, but I have to destroy the world with Sarevok first. *points to the seven-foot-tall man in black, spiked armor behind her* He asked first. And besides, that would mean hurting cute Obi...  
  
Obi-Wan: I don't know whether to run in terror or be relieved.  
  
Blade: Biblehermione, you're up with the last questions.  
  
Biblehermione: Zam:What is your real name? And Il ike your human form's hair colour!  
  
Sam: My real name is... #$^@#$%$#&%... but I doubt you could pronounce it in your human tongue. And yes, my hair is pretty, in't it?  
  
Biblehermione: Palpy and Voldie: *hands them pink glittery shirts, pink glittery boots, and pink glittery pants* Have fun.  
  
Palpy, Voldy, and Dooku: Weee!! (run off to dance to some Brittany Spears music)  
  
Blade: God save us...  
  
Biblehermione: Qui-Gon,: I stepped in gum on the way here. What is up with the universe?!  
  
Qui-Gon: There are those with no regard for the sanity of others... (sigh)  
  
Biblehermione: I feel loved! *hugs Blade and everyone else, but especially Blade, 'cause she rules*   
  
Blade: Wee! I rule! Thankies! (gives Biblehermione a cookie)  
  
Biblehermione: Anakin, PLEASE do not kill Boba. I mean, Padme doesn't kill the legions of fangirls that kiss the ground you walk on. BTW, who's your favorite actress?  
  
Anakin: Is this a trick question?? (squints)  
  
Padme: (hides a a blaster) Yeah, no killing from me! Heheheh...  
  
Biblehermione: Voldie, how many pink things do you own exactly?  
  
Voldemort: More than I can count... (giggles)  
  
Biblehermione: Boba, I am soooooo sorry about you having to watch your dad get murdered. That is enough to make anyone a mean bounty hunter *goes and hugs him* A child's mind is very fragile. By the way, do you like rap?  
  
Boba: (in a flat voice) I have no emotion. Emotion is a weakness. But... yes, I do enjoy rap from time to time.  
  
Blade: Ooo, he's vicious... Boba, let me be your bounty-hunting partner! You can't kill or ditch me, 'cos I'll just shoot you first!  
  
Boba: ...right...  
  
Biblehermione: Obi-Wan, do you ever get super sick of running from fangirls?  
  
Obi-Wan: All the time.  
  
Biblehermione: Legolas, run. Run very far away and don't look back.  
  
Legolas: (snoozing unconscious under a pile of boxes)  
  
Blade: Too late! (cackles)  
  
Biblehermione: To everyone, what do all of you think of Lizzie McGuire the TV show?  
  
Everyone but Jabba: We love it!  
  
Jabba: (eats the TV)  
  
Everyone: O.o  
  
Blade: Well, that wraps up today's show. But before we leave, I'd like to mention right here and not in author notes because no one ever reads those... Jedi Fellowship, Star Wars: Beach House Style, and Twinsabers: The Master have been updated. Tata! 


End file.
